i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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