i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
barbara walters just said penis...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
