So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
