Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
