Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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