Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize