There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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