I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
