I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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