My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this boner is exhausting
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
