i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
