I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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