Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
