How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize