I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
