Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
