this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
