she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
