her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
