Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
