end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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