we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
