I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize