Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
