my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
