Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
