Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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