I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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