I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
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She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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