So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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