she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
