i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
