I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
