Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
