I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
