I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
