I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
