"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
