if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
