I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
