Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
