I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
