I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
