Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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