good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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