y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
