Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
