I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
