I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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