She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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