i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
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