she woke up with a sticky ear
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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