a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
