She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
