U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
