Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
barbara walters just said penis...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
