I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Are these your boobs on my camera?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
