We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
