you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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