Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
