Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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