I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
