These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
