Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
