Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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