Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
