we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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