I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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