Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
