i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
