im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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