thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
