i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
