Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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