SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
