Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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